Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
