its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.