Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.

(310): View more from California

wait, who's paul?

(917): View more from New York City

exactly.

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(917): omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing. (310): wait, who's paul? (917): exactly. http://tfl.nu/h90s

Replies (6) Good night (1990) Bad night (856)
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(207): View more from Maine

We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.

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(207): We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math. http://tfl.nu/vxcn

Replies (85) Good night (1607) Bad night (617)
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(813): View more from Florida

Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.

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(813): Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear. http://tfl.nu/hyjr

Replies (20) Good night (844) Bad night (6588)
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(707): View more from California

It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.

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(707): It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling. http://tfl.nu/12gk

Replies (9) Good night (745) Bad night (3836)
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(631): View more from New York

My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..

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(631): My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms.. http://tfl.nu/s1m5

Replies (15) Good night (4696) Bad night (831)
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(561): View more from Florida

I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter

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(561): I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter http://tfl.nu/r170

Replies (18) Good night (1057) Bad night (4921)
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(231): View more from Michigan

bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

(517): View more from Michigan

Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

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(231): bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this. (517): Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one. http://tfl.nu/v0gx

Replies (49) Good night (6458) Bad night (1697)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.

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(901): He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas. http://tfl.nu/264e

Replies (20) Good night (4516) Bad night (1480)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?

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(847): I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control? http://tfl.nu/c36m

Replies (10) Good night (1099) Bad night (2417)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

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(678): I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks. http://tfl.nu/fb5x

Replies (8) Good night (2833) Bad night (735)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.

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(443): I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings. http://tfl.nu/mygm

Replies (6) Good night (1762) Bad night (817)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.

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(603): I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin. http://tfl.nu/m6dy

Replies (3) Good night (987) Bad night (437)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap

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(336): That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap http://tfl.nu/hjra

Replies (3) Good night (347) Bad night (902)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.

(505): View more from New Mexico

But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess

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(505): It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die. (505): But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess http://tfl.nu/nbb1

Replies (3) Good night (625) Bad night (362)
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(308): View more from Nebraska

I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.

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(308): I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault. http://tfl.nu/fi8o

Replies (1) Good night (585) Bad night (347)

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