It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face