Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
