If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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