I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.