i wish my penis had a tongue
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
