I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
