I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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