She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
