Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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