I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
