now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
