i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize