wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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