whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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