Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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