Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
