So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
