If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
