Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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