I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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