Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
