Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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