We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You need a sexual gate keeper
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
