she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
