you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
