I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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