Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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