Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
