your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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