Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
