k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
