what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
