So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
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The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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