This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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