the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
