Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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