Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
