my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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