Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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