We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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