Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
