Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
