holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
