Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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