Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
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I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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