guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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