According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
