Little spoons don't ask big questions
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
