It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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