y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
