Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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