Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
