Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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