she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
