Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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