explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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