dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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