He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
