oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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