....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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