party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
